It’s the holiday season and guess who’s coming to the family dinner? It may be one of your least favorite family members because of previous conflicts. It may be that family member you were avoiding because of personal reasons. What if the conflicted person everyone else is avoiding is you? In this blog, I will share my top tips for reducing family conflicts during the holiday season so you can experience more peace, love, joy and happiness.

Tip #1- Reach out before you meet up. It can be beneficial to have a conversation with the person in conflict with before the family meet up. Romans 12:18 states, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (NIV). If someone has offended you, be the one to reach out by using this simple script. You can say, “I care for you and our relationship. When this ____ was done/said, it really hurt/offended me. I wanted us to use this opportunity to talk about it even though I have chosen to forgive you for hurting/offen...

"LOVE does not keep a marriage together." I know, it’s a BOLD statement but keep reading and I will prove it, practically and biblically. Many couples believe love keeps a marriage together, but it’s not love. This is one of the BIGGEST deceptions in marriage.

After 14 years of marriage, numerous hours of research, observing interacting and helping many couples, I have concluded that love does not keep a marriage together but knowledge does. Love does not build and sustain a successful marriage but knowledge does. A successful marriage is the application of your knowledge of God, your knowledge of your spouse, and your knowledge of how to navigate marriage.

Many couples are stuck, not because of a lack of love, but because of a lack of knowledge. STUCK, because other things came up that were stronger than their love for each other. It could have been financial difficulties, communication issues, infidelity, abuse or addictions. When you are stuck, you don’t need love, you need ...

Did you know that bad communication is the 2nd most common cause for divorce? If your spouse were to say to you right now, “Honey we need to talk!” Would you be happy to talk or would fear come upon you?

And as a result of this fear, a simple, “Honey we need to talk!” turns into a BIG argument. What are you going to do to improve this?

For most married couples… and this is really sad, but it’s true… their odds of becoming an excellent communicator are about as good as their odds of finding a four-leaf clover… in the Gobi desert!

No, not for lack of trying…

… but for lack of knowing.

You can TRY to become an excellent communicator all day long… you can hope your spouse “gets you,” you can take a course on communication, and you can pray until you’re blue in the face…

… but until there’s some method to your madness, you’re just nailing jello to the wall.

So in the spirit of knowledge which *actually* leads to success in this area…

Here are 3 of...

“I didn’t want to do it?” “I tried not to do it?” But after I did it, I was like, “OOPS! Did I do that?” I was truly sorry at what I had done to my spouse. Have you ever been in this place? As a pastoral counselor and coach, I have heard this story from so many couples who are finding it difficult to control their anger.

The bible states in Ecc 7:9 “Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger rest in the bosom of fools.” As much as you may NOT want to admit that you are a fool, uncontrolled anger, makes you do foolish and regrettable things. Being angry does not make you a fool, it’s when you act out in a sinful manner, that’s when you become a fool. It is when you say, OOPS! I didn’t mean to hit you, or I didn’t mean to say all those hurtful things. That’s the OOPS, that makes you a fool and that's the OOPS that allows us to make bad choices.

The picture above demonstrates how your choices or foolish actions in the midst of anger can lead to the demise of yourself, ...

Can you truly experience peace in the midst of a storm, such as a hurricane? Many are in the midst of a category 5 hurricane. Prayers goes out but survival, instead of peace, seem to be on the minds of many. What if, there is a way to experience peace? What if the storm is your marriage? Peace is still possible.

Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Hurricane speaks of trouble and the severity of the damages increases as the category # increases. As a result, homes are destroyed, families are displaced, children are misplaced and in extreme cases, death can occur. Once the storm is over, the damages can be assessed, then rebuilding can occur.

Just as with the case with natural storms, such as hurricanes, marriages go through different storms. Are you and your spouse currently in a storm? Or, is there as storm brewing in your marriage? Is it a category-1 storm like communication issues, or a category-5 storm like chr...

If you have ever been stopped dead in your tracks with these words, “Don’t talk to me like that,” trust me, you are not alone. I want to help you position yourself in such a way, so that you can reduce hearing these dreaded words and improve your communication skills, all at once. Here are the best 3 ways to improve your communication now!

1. Adjust your tone. Did you know that tone in which you communicate can determine if an argument may arise? A good proverb to remember is “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov. 15:1). Over the years of counseling couples, I have noticed that the spouse who tries to stay calm and collected is eventually instrumental in calming the other spouse down. I have also noticed that the spouse who is loud may have some great, valid and helpful points, is quickly be dismissed because of his or her loud tone. The nugget here is this, you are more likely be given a listening ear is you watch your tone.                         
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You have probably heard this saying, “Hard work pays off.” I remembered this statement becoming so real as I walked across the stage to receive my doctoral degree not so long ago. Every year around graduation season, millions of students celebrate the rewards of their hard work. Some students, however, are not able to reap the rewards of their hard work because of various reasons. I believe this is also true in marriage. Hard work pays off as a husband and a wife celebrate the rewards of their hard work. However, it becomes frustrating to a husband or a wife when it seems as though there are no rewards for all their hard work. I have talked with so many couples and I have concluded that, in marriage hard work do pay off, but the rewards are higher for “smart” work. Keep reading as I am going to share with you how to work smart in four key areas in your marriage.  

Husbands, you need to work smart at loving your wife, God’s way. 1 Cor 13:4-7 states, “Love is patient, love is kind. I...