Tips for Reducing Family Conflicts During the Holidays
It’s the holiday season and guess who’s coming to the family dinner? It may be one of your least favorite family members because of previous conflicts. It may be that family member you were avoiding because of personal reasons. What if the conflicted person everyone else is avoiding is you? In this blog, I will share my top tips for reducing family conflicts during the holiday season so you can experience more peace, love, joy and happiness.
Tip #1- Reach out before you meet up. It can be beneficial to have a conversation with the person in conflict with before the family meet up. Romans 12:18 states, “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (NIV). If someone has offended you, be the one to reach out by using this simple script. You can say, “I care for you and our relationship. When this ____ was done/said, it really hurt/offended me. I wanted us to use this opportunity to talk about it even though I have chosen to forgive you for hurting/offending me. If I have offended you in anyway, please let me know because I would like to make it right.” This can open up the possibilities for both persons to come to an understanding of what the issues are and then try to resolve them.
Tip #2 – Be prepared for some conflicts and be ready to respond appropriately. Many times, conflict arises because of the way we respond to someone. Great wisdom can be gleamed from the following proverbs. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger” (Prov 15:1). “To answer before listening— that is folly and shame” (Prov 18:13). At the family gathering, it is important to watch how you respond to someone who may be critical of you, whether of your appearance or whether from a brother who may make rude jokes. Your response is still your responsibility. It is important to understand that your family members may not change but you can make the necessary adjustments to help reduce conflicts.
Tip #3- Host the event and model the change you desire to see. Hosting the family event can help you to be the one to bridge. It was Paul who said, “Be followers of me, even as I also am of Christ” (1 Cor 11:1). This is a great opportunity for you to model God’s way what you desire to see of others. As the host, you can also set the tone or theme for the gathering by focusing on fun family activities and games.
Tip #4- Take a break. If going to the family gathering will cause more stress or conflict than you can handle, it is okay to just say, “Not this year.” Be gentle and kind as you can simply say, “This year, we have decided to spend the holidays as a family.” Spending time with your current family can help you regroup for the next year.
Tip #5- Choose happiness. Psalm 146:5 states that “Happy is he that hath the God of Jacob for his help, whose hope is in the LORD his God.” Complete happiness comes from the Lord and not from your family members. Don’t expect your family members to make you happy. Choose to connect your happiness to the Lord.
If you have found these 5 tips helpful, please share with others. May your holidays be filled with peace and joy. For more relationship tools, tips and resources, visit www.hopeconquersd.com
By Dr. Delroy Fredericks