The “Clinging” Spouse: Wise or Unwise?

Are you a clinger? Can being a clinger help or hurt your relationship? Is it wise to be a clinger? I understand some may quickly say, "I do not want to be known as a 'clinger,' much less be in a relationship with a 'clinger.'” This response is natural until you understand what I will now share. In this blog, you will see why “clinging,” when understood, can actually be good for your relationship and your marriage.

The word, “cling,” means to be or remain close. Cling also means to be attached or joined. It is from this meaning that many couples see, “clinging” in the relationship as bad. I have heard couples say, “I need some space or I need some me time.” This happens because of a misunderstanding of how a healthy relationship should function and fully understanding how “clinging” relates to the two becoming “one flesh.”

The relationship between “one flesh” and “clinging” is connected to the root meaning of the word, “cling.” The word “cling” derives from the Hebrew word, daw-bak', which means to follow close (hard, after), to be joined (together), cleave (fast together). This is the same word that is used in Gen 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

A husband is instructed to leave his parents and cleave or cling to his wife. From this, you can see that clinging is not only good but wise, when done right. You can also see that clinging is also directly connected to leaving. When leaving is not understood and done correctly, what I call, “the Mama’s boy/girl or Dada’s girl/boy syndrome,” occurs. One thing is clear, when mama’s or dada’s are too involved in any marriage, this causes issues in the marriage and with the in-laws. Clinging to your spouse in a healthy way is the only effective way to overcome this very difficult challenge. Clinging is also the only way to allow for oneness in body, mind and soul.

The question now becomes, how much “clinging is too much?” The simplest answer is to understand that clinging or cleaving must involve a balance of doing things alone, doing things together as a couple and doing things with others. This is the first step in creating a healthy relationship. However, I must point out, just as leaving has side effect if not done correctly, clinging also has side effects when not done correctly.

To help couples navigate these side effects and more, Hope Conquers Marriage Enrichment Institute has dedicated the first monthly marriage enrichment series to a training called “Leaving and Cleaving for a Successful Marriage: Maintaining Healthy In-Law Relationships.” Check it out when you enroll now and activate your free trial membership.

So, yes! A clinging spouse is a wise spouse when clinging is understood and done correctly.

Hope to see you on the inside!